Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A Using Your Words PSA

So I got into another talk about how asking permission to kiss someone is not romantic and kills the mood and it should be spontaneous and magical and possibly accompanied by a swelling orchestra piece. Fair enough, but here's a couple of phrases I could have avoided by using my words instead of diving in for unexpected smooches:

"I'm flattered, and also gay."
"Oh, um... Yeah, okay, I had a crush on you too, but then I got to know you better."
"Wait, who are you again?"
"Whoa, back off!"
*offers breath mint*
"You know I'm married, right?"

I'm just saying, the one time when the planets align and you get your kisses in the rain, possibly upside-down, possibly with a string orchestra, seriously isn't worth the hassle. Don't be a smooch creep, kids. Use your words like the stellar grown-ass adult you are.
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