Patti Stanger is not a fun person.
That's okay. Remember when she talked about her own thoughts and opinions as they related to herself for two whole sentences? Narrow-minded as those opinions may have been, they were hers, as they related to her life, and that was nice. I mean, her wants in life sound very limiting and boring to Clementine, but the beauty of not being Clementine is that you get to want different things from Clementine. Humanity is a lovely quilt of whatever and such.
Of course your right to be boring ends where my fun begins. Patti Stanger also thinks all non-straight people are slutty-ho slut sluts and that people with kinks are sick and disgusting. (Although I will cop to that one. Every time I get hit with a belt a little bit of my humanity slips out of me, leaving shards of the void to prepare my body to become the tainted vessel of the demon-mother Shub-Niggurath. It's a hoot and a half.)
It's always hard for me to put myself in the mind of a bigot, but here, I'll try: I think Patti truly believes that all of humanity is exactly like her. And that there's one little queer person. Just the one, running around all queer, streaking through her gender-segregated lockstep parade marching ever toward the endgame of marriage, laughing at her good soldiers and shouting about kyriarchy. She hates that little queer person. She thinks that little queer person is the jester to her court, the little wise fool who has kingly license to mock the world, and she doesn't remember inviting them.
So I thought she'd employed a little jester:
Actually, no, that does not accurately describe my thoughts upon seeing this title in the blog links. Here, take my gentle loving hand and let's walk you through my Cognitive Matrix Bullet Time Explosion, you and I:
- Wait, what? What the hell? Patti knows trans women exist? YES!
- I mean, NO! Oh my god, she's going to be mean and reductive about trans women!
- Ugh, I bet it's going to be one of those "here's what you need to know about trans people: they are very sick and deserve our pity" sort of dealies at best. She seems the type.
- Oh, it's a guest contributor! A trans man maybe? Would Patti hire a-
- Jester! That's it! She hired the jester to debase himself while speaking truth!
- No, wait, that doesn't seem right. Patti doesn't hire the jester, she puts him in the oubliette. Medieval lord-kings were more enlightened than Patti Stanger. Wow. That's sad.
- Maybe she doesn't run the site though. Maybe the people who do are smarter than her. That's a safe bet. There's factory runoff mutating at the bottom of a lake that's smarter than her. Maybe those people held her down and forcefully updated her site with something positive.
Spoiler! This content note might ruin the ending for you.
(Content note: transphobia, weapons-grade misogyny, gender-essentialism, MRA, racism, implied threats, kink, male entitlement up my fucking hooha, it's a bad one.)