Tuesday, August 12, 2014

PattiBlows: Cognitive Matrix Bullet Time Edition

I keep feeling a little self-conscious about targeting Patti Stanger like I do. Dealing with a deeply misogynist woman is just different from dealing with a misogynist man. She's got her own experiences being female in this world. She strikes me as a bit of a frustrated and unhappy person. The sort of person you kind of feel bad for picking on. Then I spend like two minutes on Google and I'm much better.

This is Patti's actual dating advice to intelligent single women, which by my count contains three layers of comedic irony. If you have trouble seeing them, they're right beneath the two layers of weapons-grade misogyny, right between the cis-sexism and homophobia deposits.

This is actually a very rare thing we should all stop to appreciate: an opinion from Patti. No, wait, stop laughing, I'm serious. Usually it's all commandments and rules and dictates with this blight, but this is her opinion. Savor this title, suck the salty juices of I-statements and personal belief from its bones, roll it around in your mouth a little, see what that does for you. Because as soon as you get past the title we're back to Patti-brand facts and rules.

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